All in the Game: Blunty McBluntface racks up the likes for James Blunt

It’s just as well that singer James Blunt has an outstanding sense of humour, otherwise, he might have been a touch offended by some of the replies he’s been getting on Twitter from his 2.2 million followers.
“Wanna ruin my life?” he asked. “I’m legally changing my name if ‘Back to Bedlam’ 20th Anniversary Edition reaches No 1. Comment your name suggestions below, and the most-liked comment wins.”
Among the names nominated were Juan Hit-Wonder, Goat-Faced Tonsil Warbler and Liz Truss, although they trail, by some distance, Blunty McBluntface which, last we checked, had 8,300 likes. But another suggestion, made by Sachin Nakrani, the Guardian’s deputy football editor, is romping away to victory: Divock Origi. In no time at all, it had 20,000 likes.
If Back to Bedlam gets to number one, the Liverpool cult hero, now playing with Nottingham Forest, is going to be mightily confused when he turns on his radio. As a man called Chris tweeted, “you’re listening to Radio 2 and that was Divock Origi with ‘You’re beautiful’.” Buy the album. Now.
Al-Hilal coach Jorge Jesus had bad news for the club’s supporters last week — there’s still no sign of Neymar returning to action after he suffered that cruciate ligament injury while playing for Brazil a year ago. “I can’t specify a return date, but we’ll assess the situation in January,” he said.
It’s proved to be a rather costly absence for the club. Neymar played in just five games before the injury, so, based on the contract he’s on, that works out at €35 million for each appearance. No kidding. Mind you, the club’s majority owner, Saudi Arabia’s Public Investment Fund, is worth €867.46 billion, so they’ll survive.
Merchandise of the Week: Undoubtedly, the ‘Happy People FC Bayern Munich Harry Kane Air Mattress’ that is available on Lidl’s German website. Best of all, it’s reduced from €25.99 to €16.99, although one reviewer complains that “the material has a strong chemical smell”, so if you’re thinking of buying one, be warned.
Kane is one of just three players who have had an air mattress made in their honour, so it’s quite an honour. The other two, looking equally smart in their Bayern kits, are Jamal Musiala and Matthijs de Ligt. You’d imagine De Ligt’s mattress isn’t selling tremendously well seeing as he joined Manchester United in August. Insert your own “and the air has gone out of his career since” gags here.
“Didi Hamann is like tinnitus in my ear. It comes up every three days.” — Bayern Munich sporting director Max Eberl on Didi’s recent ringing criticism of Jamal Musiala and Harry Kane.
That’s how many million euros worth of Erik ten Hag signings were left on the bench for the game against Aston Villa. Buyer’s remorse?
“If you told me right now that if I signed a piece of paper it would mean I would never have to speak to the press again … even if you took away 50 per cent of my salary, I would sign it.” — How’s PSG manager Luis Enrique getting on with the media these days? Not great.
“I don’t want to put too much pressure on us … but I do think that this is the year.” — Bukayo Saka, putting too much pressure on Arsenal.
“I would compare Pep to Antoni Gaudi, he has been building something and he is a genius, just like Gaudi built his cathedral.” — Slovan Bratislava coach Vladimir Weiss waxing lyrical about Guardiola, the, eh, architect of Manchester City’s success.
“I saw a new player at Manchester United, [Manuel] Ugarte, for €50 million. How is this guy walking around there? It’s idiotic how much Ten Hag has decided to invest in players who are not even good.” — Marco van Basten somewhat questioning the quality of Erik’s purchases.